Dear Amazon, Dispose of it myself? WTF??

Last week, my husband ordered a toilet on Amazon. On my account. Because it is Prime and he can get the shipping for free. Two days later (thanks, Amazon Prime!) the toilet showed up. It was supposed to be two boxes, but there were three. and one was 12 feet long and weighed 30-something pounds. Assuming, that my husband had done something terribly wrong, I copied down the info on the shipping label, and another label on the package – which said “12′ tan sectional” and got on Amazon. I found nothing odd in the actual order, so I searched for “12′ tan sectional”. And I found out what we had received… a 12 foot long balance beam. So I called Amazon’s help center. The conversation went something like this:

Me- “Hi- I seem to have gotten someone else’s order, in addition to my toilet. As near as I can tell it is a 12 foot long tan balance beam”

“Does it have your name on it”

Me-“Yes” “Does it have your address”

Me- “Yes” “Can you give me the tracking number”– gave them the number … “Yes I can see this order was shipped. It was probably a gift for you”

Me-“No, I am pretty sure no one sent me a 12 foot balance beam as a gift. Can’t you see that the order was for a toilet, not a balance beam?”

“Ok. hold on please…” Comes back 2 min later… “It sounds like it was sent in error. But no problem- you do not have to return it to us. You can keep it, or donate it to charity or just dispose of it yourself”

Me-“Sorry, but I have no way to dispose of a 12 foot balance beam. I want to send it back to you”

“Hold on please”…. “OK. I have sent you a label. You can put it on the box and take it to your local UPS office”

Me- “You don’t seem to understand. This is 12 feet long and weighs around 30 pounds. I am not taking it anywhere”

“Hold on please”… “OK I have arranged to have UPS come pick up the package at your house. You can explain to them the situation”

Me- “I do not want to have to explain anything to them. I just want them to come pick it up- can you confirm they will have a label so they know where to send it to?”

“Yes, I will make sure they have a return label. Everything is taken care of.”

Me- “Thanks for your help”…

Feeling like the situation is now in hand, I hang up the phone. I click the link in the email which I was sent, so I can print the return authorization. The description on the label is as follows:

The UPS is sure going to be surprised when he sees the package for the 8 oz bottle he is supposed to pick up.

The UPS guy is sure going to be surprised when he sees the package for the 8 oz bottle he is supposed to pick up.

Another item that my dear, sweet husband had ordered on my Amazon account. Back on the phone with Amazon. I am connected with another nice lady in India.

Me “Hi- I just called about a 12 foot balance beam delivered to me – along with my toilet – in error. Are you the one I talked to?”


Me- “Excellent! I printed out the label that I was sent, and it says I am returning an 8 oz bottle of algaecide. Do you think UPS will pick up a 12 foot balance beam instead?”

At this point, it becomes clear to me that there is no way for them to provide a return label for something I did not order in the first place. So we agree that she will send me a label for returning a toilet- at least the weight is closer.

Dispose of it myself? Bring it to the closest UPS location? What part of “this is a 12 foot balance beam that I did not order” did she not understand? Of course, I blame this all on Bill, since he ordered the toilet on my Amazon account. And on top of that, now, all the ads I see are for toilets.

Anyone want a 12 foot balance beam?

Day 2 Update- UPS came and went. Let me a note. It said “Need to bring a label with me. Will come back”.

Day 3 Update- So far, no sign of the UPS man.

My new balance beam!

My new balance beam!

Day 4

Update 1: I started to call a local gym to see if they wanted to take this off my hands, but I discovered that I actually only have 2/3rd of a balance beam- the rest of it in in box #2, which was not delivered to us, so I can’t even give this thing away!

Update 2: UPS has been to the house twice to pick up the balance beam. However, both times they left without it. Why? Because it isn’t a toilet…

Update 3: Amazon told me that UPS won’t pick the package up because it is an unusual size- which makes no sense, since UPS was the one who left it here in the first place. Amazon is now making arrangements with CEVA – some top secret group which is responsible for finding homes for lost balance beams and other unwanted and unusually sized packages.



Note from Amazon

Day 5

Update 4: A friend of a friend agreed to take the balance beam off my hands. She will pick it up on this weekend.
Update 5: UPS just showed up at my house looking for two packages to be picked up- a one pound package (the first return label Amazon generated) and an “unusually shaped large package” weighing 94 pounds (the weight of the toilet which they used to generate the second return label). Took some explaining, but I convinced her to leave the label for the large package with me, just in case the donation doesn’t work out, so I can call her to come get the package. She was very confused as to why Amazon thought UPS wouldn’t take the package return- after all, she said, they were the ones who delivered it…


An awesome end to this story- My friend Judy has a friend named Lisa. Lisa’s daughter is a competitive gymnast, and is now the proud owner of… yes, you guessed it… a new balance beam! Here she is trying it out-

Finally, the balance beam has found a home!!

Finally, the balance beam has found a home!!

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4 Responses to Dear Amazon, Dispose of it myself? WTF??

  1. thebloggess says:

    Craigslist. Some little gymnast would love it.

  2. kkeeter says:

    Gonna give UPS and Amazon one more day. Now I just have to decide if it would go under “free”, “missed connections” or “fitness”. Or maybe under “Wanted”- “Wanted. Someone to take this balance beam off my front porch”.

  3. Laurie says:

    I’m thinking you are kind of young to be completely retired and probably do not have enough to do so how about considering a second career as a gymnast its never to late to start!

  4. Pingback: Williams Sonoma- Dinnerware, flatware, what’s the difference? | The Occasional Blogger

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